Synchronicity Number: 3
Synchronicity Symbol: Lightning
My dream of lightning has returned.
This time around, however – I didn’t create it through the lucid dream state.
Instead, I was only a witness to its happening, which was a first! I haven’t had my lightning dream in a very long time. The dream that followed this one was quite interesting to me as well. I was playing poker, and ended up having an impossible hand, which was a five of a kind.
And what card did I have 5 of?
I had this dream the night of 10/4 … and the morning of 10/5!
The next day (today), I was meditating and ended up envisioning lightning of many energies shocking my entire system – cleansing, clearing, and energizing each chakra. Immediately after this meditation, Ashtara Ren’s reading for Lyran Starseeds popped up as a notification on my phone. Actually, it was the Pleiadian one, but I watched the Lyran reading first.
It was a very intense reading, with one of the Major Arcanas being Thunderbolt!
Chills ran through my body as synchronicity strikes again.
Lately, I have been moving through some major shifts in my life, and have actually come to a new place of personal power when it comes to my boundaries and speaking up for myself. I had one of the best conversations of my life with my boss, and ultimately came to the conclusion (with him) that I need to really decide on who it is I am and what it is that I want. I’ve been playing the part asked of me instead of the role that I create for myself.
I walked away from that moment uplifted, elated, and certain on my next steps. As I have eluded to within this blog – I am a teacher of ascension (not yet). So what am I doing in a company that is not involved with any of that? There are only about 1 or 2 people that only slightly come close to the spirituality that I have devoted nearly all of my life to at this point. Even if all of my colleagues were ‘spiritual’ – they all think everyone is an idiot!
Most of them have habits that I do not want to be around.
The whole situation doesn’t make sense.
But it does.
The basic level at which I have had a pattern of avoiding, is the face-of-the-matter reality and the obstacles that I have to deal with in a very ‘real’ way. In this instance, what I was avoiding was the fact that I never really wanted to do the work that I am currently doing and knew I was going to do, going into the job in the first place!
Even while working there, I wasn’t allowing myself to simply realize this and move on.
Because I was ‘supposed to be here’.
Well, yes and no.
For the ‘yes’ — I AM here, so obviously I am supposed to be.
However, it makes a lot of sense, as I foresaw going into it, that the space I am holding there is necessary for the collective. In ways that I can not see as well as those that are obvious to me. Yet, simultaneously, this has been a chaining belief system of mine. It keeps me in situations that I just don’t want to be in. I look at the patterns of why I might need to be, and in doing so, FIND THEM and thus act accordingly. I follow ‘intuition’, which is actually accurate and well-guided, but ultimately it isn’t pointing or leading me into these situations so that I can do what I do there. It is taking my hand and walking me into the situations that I don’t want to be in so that I may finally see for myself the truth. It is so that I can decide once and for all who I am.
It is not what you do that matters – it is who you are.
It is what you be, homie.
For the ‘no’ — while I am where I am and all is perfect… I believe that I am in my current situation so that, as I mentioned, I can realize that I do not want to be in my current situation. And I had to get to this point and see this from yet another perspective through life experience, because I wasn’t going to reach this conclusion back from where I was before this position. I have a pattern of exponential growth concerning my financial abundance, and I was linking this pattern to a very linear path.
But now that I am finally in a position and job where I am 100% certain that it is going to expand out into a major success – and I don’t want it – I come to the conclusion of what I do want.
And that is to do more of what I am doing, here.
Speaking to you about what’s ‘real’, to me!
And so I have applied to Soulvana.
Soulvana is the app and project that is co-lead by the person I mentioned earlier, Ashtara, and is ultimately not what I want to be doing with my life fulltime. However – why would I not try to work there while I do what I truly want to be doing? It is a company that shares my vision, and likely has people that I want to be around (concerning those who are employed by it and have to work the 9-5 or whatever).
It is interesting for me to view Soulvana and Ashtara’s work, Starseed Energetics, because while she ultimately helped create this Soulvana and continues to do so, I am much more interested in her personal work. Technically both projects are her personal work, but I am way more inclined to listen, read, or watch anything that she does through her own work than I am to dive into Soulvana’s opportunities.
This situation is helping me to realize what I have been avoiding.
My own personal work.
I can work at any great company for as long as I’d like to… but I will NEVER be fulfilled if I am not doing what I am here to do! Even if I work at Soulvana, I will NOT be satisfied with myself until I am living life on my own terms. Ironically enough – Soulvana is helping all others come to this point in their lives.
So why not be satisfied with where I am now, while reaching towards where I want to be, all at the same time? Obviously that is not a new principle to live by, but for me, I am seeing this with new eyes.
So! – here I am, doing my personal work.
I recently told a member of the Soulvana community, who is also part of a Journey that Soulvana created, that their questions and thoughts were likely a reflection of not being good enough, based upon my own experience.
This pattern comes up for me when I am doing the ‘personal work’.
It isn’t enough! No good no good! Not perfect yet!
I have to also create music, starseed databases, videos, podcasts, etc.
But that isn’t needed right now, and is likely just on its way.
This reminds me of the next biggest pattern that has emerged (they keep on coming and coming) – after the pattern of needing to speak up for myself and establish boundaries – which is my islander energetic.
When I was speaking with my boss about his abusive patterns, he ended up flipping the script and talked about how everyone is thinking all of these things about me. If I wasn’t aware and otherwise consciously advanced, that would have fucked with me pretty hard, because I also have a deep pattern of fearing what others are thinking and feeling about me. But in this newer space of mine, I was able to catch what he was doing. He was doing something very similar to what I have also done… jeez a lot of patterns are emerging… which is speaking quasi-truth in order to twist a lie in hopes of redirection of focus from others.
This is a hidden pattern for those of darker backgrounds (in this lifetime and/or others), which consists of unawareness of the pattern and action within the person twisting the truth.
Here’s what happens:
The person twisting the truth uses their awareness consciously to point out to the ‘other’ that they are at fault in some manner, even if it’s in the ‘name of light’. Now, in my situation, my boss expressed concerns on my under-performance, along with many other things that I ultimately appreciated him saying, as it was true that I could be doing better.
I know for a fact that I am doing a great job in my circumstances, and what my boss doesn’t realize (or doesn’t admit), is that he is pitting me and everyone else against one another. This is a pattern that took me a long time to recognize within myself. It’s something that relates to connecting with others in ways that is deep, personal, fun, and also extremely manipulative unbeknownst (usually) to that person doing it.
So in my case, my boss let me know that no one else agrees (with me) that his abusive behavior is unacceptable, and then continues to say that people come to him asking about me (while not directly saying it’s about negative stuff), and he isn’t able to tell them. He continues to describe a pattern of mine (which, again – is true)… concerning my isolation. Talks about how I don’t eat lunch with people and he does, how I keep to myself, etc.
True, true, true. SORT OF.
Discernment is key here. First of all, I guarantee that everyone in the company would agree that his behavior is unacceptable. And it is as this point that the one manipulating becomes unaware, because even this is true and false.
On one layer – the behavior must be acceptable, because no one in the company has quit yet or expressed their boundaries as I have. So, clearly, it’s acceptable. If it’s continuing and everyone is keeping their mouth shut, then there is no problem. He may even be aware that people don’t like it, but he isn’t allowing himself to truly accept that it is a problem. That it is unacceptable.
On the other layer – it’s not acceptable to everyone but they simply don’t have the strength (yet) to speak up! Much like I have not.
There is a dynamic in that company where many people don’t speak up.
How perfect for me.
Throughout the conversation, he mentioned over and over that I must look within. That I must decide on who I am. Great advice. What he isn’t appreciating, though, is that the whole conversation emerged from many hours of inward contemplation and revelation. I came to the conclusion through looking at what I could do, personally, in order to change the situation. Speaking up to him was that result, but he viewed it as me blaming him for my reality.
Not so – I ‘blamed’ myself for the reality – but had to speak to him in order for me to change it!
Again, this is so twisted with truths (that even I was hiding from) that it becomes very difficult sometimes to really see what’s going on.
And even as I speak of this – I don’t have the whole story. And perhaps I am even twisting the truth, right now, to myself and all of you!
It took me a long time (and it’s still technically in progress) to come to the realization that I am a great person. When I become aware of these patterns that are not of the highest vibration, I doubt myself. But it has helped me tremendously to reflect on all the work I am doing for the greater good of all of humanity. Even with this all this effort to transcend all darkness, negative patterns, and in general anything that doesn’t serve me and the collective, I still ponder upon my motives because there are these unconscious tendencies.
The tendency to do the opposite of exactly what I am striving for, consciously.
My boss and I are so alike – and thus I have much love and respect for him, even though I have become aware of the patterns of schism and control that he embodies. He’s right about one thing, for sure – and that is I must continue to look inward to change what I am experiencing. While he may have suggested this out of his wisdom and experience, it was still a misdirection within the context of this conversation.
One of the great things about him, though – is that he ultimately comes around. He means well. He wishes to help. To uplift. I’ve grown so much already (albeit stressfully!), and I have him to thank for that.
But it’s time to move on to the family that may help me grow with unconditional love.
The ones who are aware of their mishaps and openly admit it.
For that is what I am doing here.
It is time to raise the land connecting your island to all others.
My boss was right – I do seclude myself. But I do it in the name of connection! Ha.
I read and meditate and blog and basically do everything that I can in order to further my purpose and path. Yet, I am closed off and I know it. There has been a lot underneath this for me, including that of guilt. I actually feel guilty and terrible when I spend time with others, because then I am not spending time with everyone else.
So what do I do? I spend time with no one.
So annoying lol
I also don’t feel inspired to reach out and spend time with people for some reason. It’s linked to the fact that I am not going to have a good time. Perhaps I need to continuously prove myself wrong by simply spending time with others, as I usually always have a great time. But subconsciously, I don’t feel the need nor desire to – ever.
Unless I am drunk. Then I like to contact everyone and make all of these plans, only to not follow through on them because I eventually get sober. This make becoming drunk extremely appealing to me, and thus addicting.
Then throw in ‘not being good enough’ – and I wonder if anyone else even wants to spend time with me.
But this is the next pattern on its way out, I think, and I am really excited about it.
The greatest moments of my life are when I am in the moment with others.
Second only to the moments of my uplifting others in real time… which can’t exactly happen if I don’t spend time with them, now can it?
This brings me around to tying this altogether…
I do not want to do the work. I just don’t. And I wish I did.
It’s hard for me to admit that, because I know who I am and ultimately that person isn’t one of complacency – but right now, it seemingly is so. I don’t want to wake up in the morning. I don’t want to put in the extra work at my job anymore. I don’t want to work out. I don’t want to eat healthily. I don’t want to do certain meditations that I know have been calling me for quite some time. I don’t want to start creating music. I don’t want to follow through on my commitments. I don’t want to reach out to those I love. I don’t want to reach out to those that I would probably love to have as a close friend.
I. Don’t. Wanto.
But I do. The vision I have of myself and this world is so very grand and anything less than that ultimate picture will thus push me to reach for it. I am doing the work in a very non-physical and non-actional type of way. I read a FUCK-ton. I think a LOT.
And I process emotions via watching videos, listening to music, or when I hit thresholds.
I will actually get drunk and stoned just so that I can meditate in a ‘fun way’.
I’ve had my taste of 5D living for months, and I was primed up and on a rate of growth that was immense. I was thus attacked by what I can only deem as myself, but it was a very, very dark aspect that became externalized in the form of my sister, actually. It hit me so hard that I reverted back to my old ways (even worse), and have thus come from that place by chasing the dragon of my previous 5D living.
I know everything that I need to know – but I am simply not choosing to live the life of my dreams. It isn’t even a ‘what do I do?’ type of situation for me. I am quite aware of everything that I need to do, to some extent. My ‘issue’ is that I am just not doing it because I don’t feel like it.
I really fucking don’t.
But it hurts pretty bad when I realize this – especially at the lower points.
It hurts when I look at all that I could be, and am simply ‘not’. It’s painful to think of my baby cousins and all of my family that I am ‘letting down’. I feel so terrible when I don’t walk the talk and thus, ultimately, realize the immense lack of grand positive butterfly-effect potential.
If I go back to the belief that it’s perfect as it is (but also isn’t) — I can see that I am manipulating myself here. I allow myself to do the things that I deem unacceptable in the ‘name of perfection!’… because no matter what I do, it is ultimately perfect and Divine… right?
WRONG. And right.
But I have a hard time paying attention to that ‘WRONG’ aspect.
Right now, I am eating and drinking stuff from fuckin’ Dunkin’ Donuts – something that was so unbelievably unacceptable for me only 2 years ago.
It’s still ‘not ok’ for me now, but I do it anyways.
So I sit and wish upon when I will make the choice to stop and move on.
I even type here and now as if I am not going to make that decision today… even though I can.
Life is just looking at me like, “wat r u doin’, dude?’
And I am like…