Have you ever regretted sharing your story with someone? Have you ever felt that you placed your trust in a wrong person? Did you ever ask yourself if they had earned the right to hear your shame story? Be careful who you share your shame story with….Some show empathy and some show sympathy, and some use it against you!!? It takes a lot to be vulnerable! Opening your heart out and expressing your true feelings is a courageous task. Can it backfire? Yes, you would not think a friend or family member is a bad person because of a single lapse in judgement.
Here is a short story about my friend who confided in (placed her trust) and chose to be vulnerable with her sister-in-law. Her empathetic behavior towards them motivated me to share the message with you.
My friend had been going through some tough times lately. She was facing problems in her married life. One day she got tired of keeping her feelings bottled up inside and chose to be vulnerable in front of her sister in law. She primarily had problems with her mother-in-law. My friend suspected that her sister-in-law didn’t have much liking for her mother -in-law either and started talking on phone often. After a while when they thought they had gained each other’s trust, they started talking about things openly. Basically saying negative things against her mother in law. My friend started confiding in her so she kept sharing things with her. But her sister in law shared the story with her mother and her mother shared the story with her brother and his wife; and in no time it got viral! Now when her sister in law shared that with her mother, her mother asked my friend if she should go talk to her mother in law about this. My poor friend said YES! Guess what, my friend told me later that her intuition was telling her to say NO, but she was so blinded by her anger that she went ahead and gave her the permission to spill the beans. This resulted in a huge explosion leading to tremendous friction between them causing an irreparable damage. Her mother-in-law took serious offense and turned against my friend and kicked her out of the family/house. My friend tried asking for forgiveness but nobody listened to her.
Moral of the story – Your intention to insult or expose the other person through somebody else always backfires, because what you put out there is what comes back! If you try to insult or expose the other person, life puts you in the same situation so you can learn how it feels to do the same. My friend learnt it the hard way. Try to treat another person as you would treat yourself. Be empathetic!
Kudos to my friend for accepting that it was all her fault!! She regrets it till date for the damage done was insurmountable. But equally feels GRATEFUL to her sister-in-law for teaching her the biggest lesson of her life. She acknowledges that she acted with LIMITED AWARENESS!
Acceptance brings awareness and with awareness comes FORGIVENESS. Forgiveness for yourself and forgiveness for others is the key to moving on. As you acknowledge your guilt, remember bad actions or decisions do not make you a bad person. She sends them her unconditional Love!
My Advice – Break the cycle of lashing out at people or finding ways to prove them wrong and yourself right; especially family members. One of the biggest lessons my friend learnt was that it feels more humiliating to have been exposed in front of your own family members than in front of the strangers. Simply because you have to face your family everyday and you have the fear of being looked down upon. Just imagine how demeaning and hurtful it would be for you to have been exposed in-front of your parents or relatives. Do not do to others, what you don’t want done to yourself!! Know that you can’t escape Karma – what you give is what will come back to you!!
Lets take a look at the Karmic pattern here:
Cause – Stuck in a cycle of insulting, blaming or exposing people; trusting somebody thinking you can use them for your own selfish interests; being ignorant/unaware of who you are sharing your story with, thinking proving others wrong will make you look right and gain greatness
Effect – Self invited trouble; taken advantage of your TRUST; talking bad from both sides of mouth; ruining relationships; having a false sense of righteousness; losing your own respect and identity
Redemption – Think about the consequences of being vulnerable with a wrong person; become aware of your feelings and its impact of sharing with the person you choose; learn to communicate and express your feelings to the person you have issues with; not every enemy of an enemy is your friend, raise your consciousness
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