THROUGH THE MATRIX
by Suzanne Lie
Finding the Journal
To whomever may wish to read this journal,
My name is Lisa. My last name is not important. Besides, the story in this journal is so very unbelievable that I will not add my last name. I never thought of myself as any kind of an author, nor did I write the Journal about which I will speak.
Maybe I want to make sure that you know that none of the people in this book are me. On the other hand, every one of the people in this book have taught me something about my self.
But enough of me. I will now continue with my Introduction, I mean, it will be an Introduction if I ever get the nerve to reveal how this one, Journal changed my life…
I just moved into a new house. That is a “new house” to me, as the the house is actually quite old. I inherited this house from my grandmother who had lived there her entire life. The house is very big with many rooms, as well as a cellar and an attic. The cellar had far too many spiders, but as soon as I was settled in, I decided to explore the attic.
I climbed the small stairway, which was behind the mysterious locked door, for which I had finally found the key. It was an old fashioned key, an old fashioned keyhole, and an old fashioned door. Of course, my Grandmother cherished the house exactly as it had always been.
Therefore, outside of important repairs and appropriate painting, the house remained the way it had always been. I spent many summers at Grandma’s house, and searched vigilantly to find the key that I now held in my hand. The fact that Grandma never let me go into the attic only made me more and more anxious to enter it.
I am sorry that my grandmother’s death is the reason why I could find the key that will, eventually, open the attic door. In fact, I have lived here every summer of my life. My parents were not too interested in raising their only child, me, so it was boarding school during the school year and Grandma’s house in the summer.
My mother had a nanny who sort of watched me when I wasn’t at Boarding School or grandma’s house. However, the nanny was too expensive, so my parents dropped me off to live with my grandmother full time when I was only 8 years old.
They did not even wait for Grandma to open the door when they rushed off to wherever they went. I was never so relieved when Grandma’s smiling face welcomed me into her, which was now our, home. I lived happily with Grandma until I went away to college.
Thank Heavens for Grandma, or my Mother would have put me in a Boarding School all year round. However, I should not speak ill of my parents as they died in a horrid car accident when I was only 13. Because I had such a history of living with my Grandmother, the state allowed me to continue living with her.
It was the happiest moment of my life when, at thirteen years of age, I knocked on Grandma’s door with all my cherished possessions in boxes beside me. My parents barely said good-by to me and rushed off to wherever they went the minute that Grandma opened her door.
Somehow, I knew that this was the last time they would drop me off at my Grandma’s house, and that I would not see them again. In fact, I was never so relieved than when I say Grandma’s smiling face welcomed me into her, which was now our, home. I lived there happily with Grandma until I went away to collage. I never saw my parents again.
I must say that my self-esteem was pretty damaged by my parents’ behavior, but Grandma’s constant love made up for that. However, now, as a young woman, I was alone. Unfortunately, Grandma left this world just before I finished college, but she left her home and everything she had to me.
There was a bit of money in my inheritance, so I toured Europe for the summer after my graduation. I think it was too much for me to go to Grandma’s house and not find her waiting for me with a warm hug and freshly baked cookies. But, eventually, I had to go home to what was no longer Grandma’s home, but my house.
I must say that my self-esteem had been pretty damaged by my parent’s behavior, but Grandma had always made up for that. However, now, as a young woman, I was alone. That is accept for a very few friends from college and the memory of my beloved Grandmother.
Having Grandma’s house as MY house made me feel like I had I would always be close to her essence, as well as all my wonderful memories if being in her home. Now that home that I had always loved to visit, was MY home.
However, there I was, standing in front of the door, key in the lock, but hesitating to turn it. I knew that I would NOT smell the fresh baked cookies, or enjoy the other wonderful smells that always filled Grandma’s home. At least she had died suddenly, and in her beloved home. I am still guilty that I did not leave Europe to come to her funeral.
However, I had a very vivid dream the very night after she died in which she came to me and said, “I have asked in my will, which I have attached, that I be cremated. I ask that you do not leave your vacation to come to my cremation. I will come to you. Please allow me that final joy of showing you the lovely Light body that I now wear.”
Sure enough, that very next evening, Grandma came to me in a body of Golden Light. The only thing she said was, “Beloved Granddaughter, I have left everything I had to you, and most important, I have left you the key to the attic.
“I love you so deeply that I want to tell you that I now know that life is eternal and death is an illusion. Therefore, my love for you is infinite. Please remember that I will always love unconditionally and beyond all space and time.”
I was very confused by the “beyond all space and time” comment, as that was not the way my Grandmother spoke. Nonetheless, the statement made me cry uncontrollably, but not just for sorrow. Instead, I cried for the great love that I had always felt from Grandma, and for the love I would always have for her.