September 1st, 2019
I’ve found the distillation of my desires to be quite all over the place.
Generally, each time I decide on a manifestation that I would like to reel into my reality, I am immediately and continually doubting the choice. This takes form in a myriad of ways, including the most relevant one in my current life which has affected my entire life.
And that would be feelings, or the lack thereof, of self-worth.
I’ve recently heard my friend refer to a coined term, called ‘impostor syndrome’, where everything one does is simply not good enough.
Apparently this syndrome is a bit more specific.
It’s the doubt of one’s accomplishments which is accompanied by a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud.
This actually hits the mark for me.
This has been brought up before in my website, but I’d like to dig deeper.
This ‘imposter syndrome’ has a cause, but I do not need to spend time and energy focusing on where it comes from. In fact, I’ve already got great clues as to why I feel this way and why I seemingly always have. What’s important is that right now I simply allow it to remain in my awareness and then decide on what to do from here.
Bringing us back to creations that I set my mind on — goals, if you will — I often note that I immediately want to change the goal, I don’t believe I can achieve this goal … or that I doubt whether or not the goal is worthy of existing in the first place.
So this brings me to today, where I have set a goal in place. An experience in the future which has an energetic signature that I am currently embodying / re-focusing on when my attention is drawn to it.
And, as always, doubt creeps in and I am left wondering. My intention then loses a force which helps create the experience — and that is attention.
My energy is not settled and thus manifestation becomes less clear.
So I am going to take a new approach.
The three main goals that I always return to are thus:
- Financial Freedom
- Romantic Relationship
- Spinal Serenity
- (I just wanted to keep the pattern of alliteration going
- I wish for my back to heal…
While I won’t explain what my current goal is or the details of it — just know that it always boils down to these goals. And that when I settle on one (or all) of them, my mind then does stuff which takes me away from experiencing these cores aspects of desire.
What’s my new plan?
Anytime that my mind wonders whether or not what I have focused on is worthy or right … I will then remind myself that it simply is… and that these are the main things in my life that are and have been extremely important to me.
Health, abundance, and love are quite the universal natural states of awesomness.
Also note that the ‘romantic relationship’ and ‘financial freedom’ goals are loosely held; so that perhaps instead of entering into a relationship, I become okay with not being in a relationship; or that perhaps instead of reaching a monthly financial goal, I become satisfied with a state of abundance that others might deem as not being ‘wealthy’ — but I will certainly feel that way in whatever circumstance I experience that through.
Meaning, it is the energetic feeling that I truly wish for rather than the concrete physical reality that I perhaps believe might bring me the sensation I long for.
Also note that I am aware of the power behind goal specificity.
I also champion flow and flexibility – I try to balance it all.